Happy Ending

My mom and I have been on quite a few adventures together but this one takes the cake so far. My mom recieved some information about a $25 massage in Flushing, Queens from a couple at yoga. They raved about how great it was so naturally we decided to try it.

I must preface by explaining that Flushing is an Asian neighborhood where they offer most everyday things for cheap. For example it is where I got the $700 Salon Japanese hair straightening for a mere $125. All of the signs are in chinese letters and there are few english speaking people walking around. I was a little weary when she told me we would be going to this area for the massage as I was made aware by a few different people that this is home of the "happy ending" massage. If you don't know what that means, I'm sorry I am not explaining.

We arrive and park in a local garage and proceed on foot to find our destination. This was not an easy feat as I explained earlier, everything is in chinese. We found two doors with the english words "body work" we peaked in one door and it had slot machines, nope thats not it. Then a spanish man walking on the street asked us "massage?" to which we said yes and he then pointed to the other door. We thanked him and he responded "Your welcome Mammi, I love you," touching my arm. Ew. Creepy. We walked into a basement, a funky smelling basement where we were half ass greeted by a woman at the desk. We explained we were here for the massage and she led us into a room I will describe as filled with curtain cubicles. There is barely a foot around each end of the massage table. We were led to our cubicle and left with no instructions. We assumed we should derobe and lay down, lucky guess. Our non english, speaking 'therapists' came in and began the massage. I have to say that it was an above average massage, worth the $25, besides the part when she rubbed my stomach. I've had a few massages in my day and never have I had anyone rub my stomach. It didn't help that I had to pee. Mom said she liked it. Modesty is also something they never heard of as they had my bare ass out in the open when they rubbed. There were four "cubicles" in our room to which I believe three were occupied; me, mom and a man. About half way through the massage I started to hear funny noises and breathing. At first, I thought it was my mom and decided it reminded me of the Friends episode where Pheobe wont massage Monica because she makes sex noises when she rubs her. After the massage was over my mom asked me if I heard the noises too to which I responded "That wasn't you?!" Ew, a happy ending was going on in full force feet from us. What kind of place is this?! And why on earth would a nice, old couple recommend it to us?

We go to pay and get our parking validated as the man who recommended the place told us they do. They looked at us like we had four heads. Upon further exploration we realized that we were in the wrong place! Apparently there are a lot of $ 25 massage places in Flushing..even on the same block..and we were in the wrong one, a "happy ending" one!

We laughed the whole way home and as we drove out we saw the place we were supposed to go to..an upstairs spa that actually looked legit and clean as opposed to the basement, curtain cubicle/brothel we found ourselves in. I guess in the end you get what you pay for.